NewBrighton and Clumpy Dumplets

Nobody seems to know when and why the odd little people with green faces and orange hair came to Newbrighton, and no-one really seems to care either, as long as they continue to exist with the sole purpose of being slaves in Proctors Biscuit factory and entertaining the residents with their funny capers at the frequent Clumpy Dumplet sacrifices. Some people say that they are the evil twins of the Oompa Lumpas from Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. And some people say that the people who say the Clumpy Dumplets are evil Oompa Lumpas are very stupid and should be quiet.And then some people say leave them alone you and stop giving them shit otherwise someone will be getting knocked out. Some mention something about their pint getting spilled and so it goes on.

The fact of the matter though was that the Clumpies were indeed slaves and their free labour made Newbrighton as rich as it was. Even though they helped make it such a prosperous town, they were treated poorly and unfairly and were often hunted for fun. Except for the few Clumpies who worked in Newbrighton as garden gnomes the rest all lived in ramshackle huts at the base of Proctors Mountain in what had become known locally as Shit Town. The reason for this was that all the sewage from Newbrighton ran straight through their shanty town and all the waste from Proctors Biscuit Factory poured down the side of the mountain forming a sludgy brown waterfall at the bottom. Sometimes the Clumpie children would go fishing in the stream of effluence that ran next to their homes. Clumpy Dumplet folklore has a tale of a young boy called Hurdy MacSquelch catching a whopping 125lb turd, the largest piece of poo ever recorded in Shit Town.

Despite all the disease, famine and extremely short life expectancy the Clumpy Dumplets were a strangely cheerful bunch of people. They would often sing their little heads off all day long and tell jokes in their native language, Clump. Nobody in the town really understood Clump as it was a strange language that sounded more like someone chocking on a pineapple than someone speaking so for all anyone in Newbrighton knew the Clumpies could be plotting to overthrow their evil masters and take over the town. But mostly they really did just sing and tell crap jokes. They fitted in well in Newbrighton.

 

a big piece of crap

 

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