Tooly
stood and watched as two old men tried to pick Eric Proctor out of
the steaming pool of sick that he was rolling around in and immediately
started plotting a plot. His low tolerance for alcohol. His addiction
to biscuits. His fetish for midgets. All these factors where things
Tooly didn’t think about as ran over and twatted Eric on his
fat head with a pool cue. What Tooly lacked in subtlety he made up
for in strength. The pool cue slammed down on Eric’s head with
such ferocity that the top of Eric’s skull seemed to swing open
as if it where on hinges and his brain rolled out across the pub floor
and went somewhere behind juke box. Everybody in the bar just stared
at Tooly. Tooly looked round at the dumbstruck crowd, picked his nose,
casually strolled over to the twitching body of Eric Proctor and poked
the pool cue into the space where his brain once sat. There was a
fizzling noise and a small whisp of grey smoke came from Eric’s
cranium. "Just as I thought, " said Tooly, "he’s
a robot" Again, everybody in the bar stared at Tooly. "Oh
come on it was obvious " Tooly said " the beer must of given
him a short circuit or something similar" "He’s right"
said one of the clumpys who was peering into the top of Eric’s
head "he is a robot, I can see his wires" and the whole
pub gathered round Eric’s now motionless body. "Told you"
Tooly said, whilst grinning ," like I said it was obvious"
Everyone in the pub started to cheer and the gang of drunken clumpy
dumplets started singing, "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead".
Eric’s body was lifted up, and the jubilant New Brighton residents
carried it down to the sacrificial funeral pyre to set it on fire
and point. As the pub emptied an old man and his wife just continued
to sip at their drinks when eventually the old man asked his wife.
"What chapter we on Gladys?" "Five or six I think Reg,
why?" Gladys answered. "Isn’t it a bit early on in
the story to be using `the god from the machine`” Reg said as
filled his pipe with Old Holborn. "You mean the writing device
traditionally used when the author is stuck for ideas?" "Yeah
" said Reg," that’s the one " "To be honest
love," Gladys said " I think that whoever writing the story
is just making it up as he goes along" "I think your right
Gladys," Reg answered," I think your right"
