So
here it is, the one you`ve all asked for its the interview with His
Royal Highness, King Antony Tool of Newbrighton.
This Interview was conducted by Newbrighton citizen 1913
Since Toolys rise to power all residents of the town have had their
old names removed and replaced with nice easy to remember numbers. The
interview is being held in Antonys local boozer The Railway
Interview Starts
1913
:Welcome Sir its an honour to be in your presence
I`m really proud that you let me interview you .
Tooly: - picks nose
-
1913 : Erm so...you`ve
been self proclaimed King now for nearly two months Mr Tool, are you
finding it easy to adjust to the royal lifestyle?
Tooly: Piece of piss
mate, I just get up about 2pm in the morning
1913: I think you
mean 2pm in the afternoon sir
Tooly: - Glares -
1913 : Sorry my mistake
your Royal Amazingness
Tooly : As I was
saying I get up in the morning , have a bowl of coco-pops, go for a
stroll round my kingdom maybe hit a few peasants on the head with my
peasant bonking stick then go down the boozer get pissed up and invent
some new laws with the lads ,sorry, I mean my Royal Advisors
1913: Yes these new
laws you have passed recently sir , they seem somewhat, how should I
put it, arbitary?
Tooly: - stares into
space-
1913: Its just that
they seem a little bit random sir. Its like this law thats forced us
to change our names to numbers.
Tooly : - looking
angry - And is that a problem! Whats your number?
1913: 1913 sir ,
n-no its not so much the actual changing of the name its more this new
Lottery you`ve organized
Tooly: - starts to
grin - ah yes the lottery, what a bloody laugh eh?
1913: I dont think
the people who are dragged from their beds in the middle of the night,
stripped naked, painted different colours and thrown into a giant cement
mixer see it that way your Majesty
Tooly: But come on,
if you get all six numbers you win 10 000 ToolyTokens.
1913 : Yes sir and that brings me to my next questions replacing the
currency with the new ToolyTokens is it an entirely a good idea?
Tooly : And whats
wrong with ToolyTokens? Its a very strong currency.
1913 : Your majesty
ToolyTokens are beer mats with your photo cellotaped on, its not very
practical.....ouch!
Interview
Suspended While 1913 recieves medical attention
Interview
Resumes
1913:
-clutching side of head- So sir as I was saying
the introduction of the new laws by your Royal Excellence have vastly
improved the state of Newbrighton and made it a much better town to
live in.
Tooly: I know I`m
great arent I ?
1913: Yes sir , You
are the best.
Tooly: You being
sarcastic! `cos the doctor got that pen out your ear just now but I
can put it somewhere it wont be getting removed if you want?
1913 : No! No sir
I wasnt being sarcastic . I apologise if you got that impression, may
we continue the interview?
Tooly : No I`m hungry
go and get me some cheesy wotsits !
1913: But sir the
interv....
- Tooly starts to wave his peasant bonking stick about-
1913: Yes sir how
many packets would you like?
Tooly : Here - hands
1913 a bundle of beer mats- get me 3 packs of wotsits and a curly wurly
and dont be long. Chop Chop!
Interview
suspended while 1913 goes to get Cheesy Wotsits
Interview
Resumes
1913:
- panting - H- Here you go sir
Tooly: That was quick
peasant. I hope you hopped all the way there and back .
1913 : Hopped ? No
sir I ran as quickly as I could.
Tooly : What ! You
didnt hop . Its illegal to travel anywhere in Newbrighton between the
hours of 1pm and 5pm (including weekends) by any other means but hopping.
1913 : But sir I
wasnt aware of this law!
Tooly: Oh me and
the lads here just passed it about five minutes ago . I think you were
at the shop.
1913: - gulps- Im
so sorry sir. What happens now?
Tooly : Looks likes
it the Lottery for you tonight 2413...You wouldnt do me a favour would
you?
1913: Yes sir , anything,
just name it.
Tooly: Try and throw yourself out the cement mixer later will you mate
.Ive got you in my lucky dip.
1913 - Leaves kicking
and screaming-
